Becoming Who You Weren’t Taught to Be

Song Of The Week

Ah, Future – the vibrant sonic that Paramore has stitched together, blending angst, hope, and a sprinkle of that signature quirkiness we devour like its candy. This track is the embodiment of a rollercoaster ride through uncertainty and dreams, with Hayley Williams as our fearless guide, taking us through the loops and drops of what lies ahead.

The lyrics dance between reflecting on past struggles and envisioning a tomorrow that, although uncertain, holds endless possibilities. Is it a love letter to the future or a cry for help? It's as if Hayley is holding a mirror to our aspirations – reminding us that, no matter how tangled the now may be, there’s always a glimmer waiting just around the corner.

The chorus, oh the chorus! It catches you like that unexpected rain shower, drenched in soaring melodies that almost make you believe the future is glorious and achievable—if you just keep pushing forward with that fierce Paramore spirit.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much of my life has been shaped by reactions I didn’t consciously choose. Fear, hesitation, the instinct to run—not from danger, but from discomfort. Pavlov’s dog salivated at the sound of a bell, and it made me wonder: how many of my behaviors are just conditioned responses I’ve never questioned?

Take eggs, for example. I’ve hated them my whole life. But when I really think about it, I can’t remember the moment that dislike began. I don’t have a memory of trying eggs as a kid and deciding they weren’t for me. I just grew up carrying that belief like it was part of my identity. I’ve taken small, hesitant bites here and there over the years, trying to change my mind—but it never stuck. And so I have carried this identity with me for years and years. It baffles me that this is my identity, I have no evidence of it but I claim it like anything else. 

This opened a door for me to try eggs this year. I have tried different variations of them. Every first bite I took felt like a tingle in my stomach and a feeling of unfamiliarity. Till eventually, it became nothing. I sat down and honed in on my five senses about eggs. I began to see how silly I have been holding onto it. Will I still question if I want to eat eggs? Of course. Was it bad? Not really. 

I don’t think I realized how deeply my mind had been trained to lifelong conditioning I kept for 24 years. Disliking eggs is just one, and I honestly, wouldn’t have unless I started studying for the LSAT. It shook up everything I knew about myself as crazy as it sounds. No longer was I achieving something because I was naturally good at or have experience in any capacity to succeed. It is starting at ground zero and it is making me push myself up. This test isn’t just challenging my logic—it confronted my self-belief about my self worth and faith. 

How well do I know myself? How can I fight against myself? And How can I win? At the end of the day, taking the LSAT isn’t me versus LSAC, it’s me versus me! There’s very little room for ego or external noise when you're in the middle of change. The LSAT doesn’t care about your fears, your self-doubt, or your story. It only asks, Did you get the question right? When it becomes this level of simplicity, I find myself struggling in it. I find it easier to answer the hard questions than to answer the easy ones. I have hardwired my brain to over complicate the process when in reality it was just that simple. 

That’s where the real work begins—changing the hard drive, erasing what I think I know to get the source. Pretty soon I’ll start acting like Descartes LOL. I am on a mission to retrain myself, to recondition my beliefs and experience unfamiliarity. Because that’s what growth actually is: choosing discomfort on purpose. Letting go of the stories I’ve told myself—even the ones that feel safe and familiar. Like believing that makeup isn’t me or that I’m someone who isn't religious, or even something as small and oddly symbolic as never eating eggs. These patterns aren't fixed truths—they're just grooves I've been walking in for so long, I forgot I could step out of them. When I recognize these grooves, I am beginning to show up differently. To respond differently. To just… not think! As counterintuitive as it sounds. The LSAT has shown that what I need to succeed is simple. 

So I’ll keep pushing, questioning, staying—not because I know exactly where it leads, but because I’m starting to believe I’m allowed to change. Even if my past self wouldn’t recognize me, my future self will thank me for trying. Because really, that’s who you do it for: your future self. The part of you you haven’t met yet, but who’s waiting on the other side of all your effort. To think beyond ourselves—beyond who we’ve been told we are—is one of the most powerful things we can do. That’s the beauty of being conscious being. We get to choose again and again and again!  And this time, I’m choosing to recognize my conditioning and take responsibility for it—whether that means changing it or finally understanding its roots. 

And as much as I hate to change my mind, I find beauty in doing so. It is a fight against myself every time… until the end of time, I guess. To be humbled by growth, even when it feels inconvenient. There’s something quietly powerful about unlearning what no longer fits, about choosing presence over pride. The more I do it, the more I realize that change doesn’t mean I was wrong before—it just means I’m evolving. Every time I choose to shift, even a little, I remind myself that I am not fixed—I am becoming.

The song “Future” by Paramore feels like the quiet anthem of this chapter in my life. A much need heavy metal, banging of instruments yet a soft angelic voice to bring me out my slump. It’s not dramatic, it’s not doubt—it’s patient. The way the song builds slowly, sitting in uncertainty before finally erupting, mirrors what growth really feels like. It’s not instant or obvious. It takes time, stillness, and the willingness to stay with yourself through the discomfort. That’s what this blog post is about—recognizing the ways I’ve been conditioned, questioning who I’ve always said I was, and learning to choose something new. Like the song, I’m trying to trust that even if I can’t see it yet, the effort I’m putting in now is shaping something better ahead. I don’t fully know who I’m becoming—but I’m staying for her.

So, what’s your “egg”?
What belief or habit have you carried so long that you’ve stopped questioning if it’s even true?
If you're anything like me, maybe it's time to sit with the discomfort—and stay there long enough to see what’s really yours.

Enjoy This Journey With Me

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

Enjoy This Journey With Me ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

This isn’t the end—just a bookmark in the conversation. Stories don’t really close; they unfold, shift, and find new voices. If this one stirred something in you, let it breathe. Leave a thought, challenge an idea, or carry it forward in your own way. And if you ever feel like wandering through more unfinished thoughts, you know where to find me. Let’s keep the conversation alive. ~XOXO