More than Hours on A Clock: Stu-DYING vs. Free Time

Song Of The Week

If your playlist needs a wild ride, “Drive ME Crazy” by Lil Yachty and Diana Gordon is the turbocharged anthem you didn’t know you needed. This track zips through emotions with a quirky blend of Yachty’s trademark playful rap and Gordon’s soulful, powerhouse vocals that hit all the right feels.

From the get-go, the beat bounces like a joyride through neon-lit city streets, while the lyrics twist and turn—a love story that’s more rollercoaster than Sunday drive. Lil Yachty’s flow slides laid-back yet sharp, flipping narrative gears with charm, while Diana Gordon revs up heartfelt hooks, making it impossible not to sing along.

The chemistry here? Electric. Like that moment you catch someone’s eye through the rearview mirror and your heart races at 100 mph. “Drive ME Crazy” captures that rush—the frustration and thrill of being caught in the spin of irresistible attraction. In short, this track refuses to play it safe.

Relaxing Times?

AAaaaaaHhhhh I can breathe again. No more looming dread of anxiety sitting on my chest like an elephant  instead, the inhale and exhale of chilly fall air. Which might I add, my favorite season is coming upon us, Sacramento will soon be filled with pumpkin spice and everything nice. With all the study time in my schedule now freed up, I’ve let myself do all my favorite activities: painting, sewing, decluttering, scrolling social media, and binge-watching TV. But while all these activities are comforting, they’ve also made me realize how much of my identity was tied to studying. I would study daily for hours on end, constantly thinking about the LSAT questions, how to properly break down stimulus and grammar/vocabulary. When that pressure dissolved, I expected to feel whole again. Instead, I’m learning what it really means to have time and how slippery it becomes once you stop holding it down with deadlines. 

Free time sounds like a gift, but sometimes it feels more like a mirror. It reflects back not just what I do to fill the hours, but who I am when the structure falls away. I am a structured person, I like a schedule and I don’t like to be deterred from it. Without the rhythm of assignments, goals, and checklists. Philosophers today often frame time not just as hours on a clock but as something deeply tied to meaning. Martin Heidegger, for example, described human existence as being “thrown into time”.  We don’t choose when or where we’re born, yet our lives unfold within this timeline we can’t control. What we can control is how we fill the space between beginnings and endings. In that way, my free time isn’t just empty hours; it’s a stage where I’m constantly asked to decide who I want to be, which shifted my mindset from thinking I let those decide for me rather than it is I who is in control. 

Hard Times

If I think about it, time is really the only thing I can control. I can’t control what happens in the world, how others act, or even all the circumstances that shape my life. Many people think they can but truly the only thing I can choose is how to spend my hours. Every yes to one activity is a no to another, and that decision slowly builds the shape of my days, and eventually, my life. Time is currency, but unlike money, I can’t earn more of it. I can only spend what I already have towards things I really want. 

That realization feels both heavy and liberating. Heavy, because it makes me question how much time I’ve already let slip away by letting events control me. Liberating in that it means I don’t have to wait for someone else’s permission, schedule, or deadline to decide for me. I truly can just get up and choose my fate. 

Martin Heidegger believed that time isn’t just a neutral container where events happen meaning events shouldn’t be categorized with emotions. Instead, he argued that our very sense of being is inseparable from time. He used the phrase being-toward-death to explain this: the fact that our lives are finite gives weight and urgency to how we live each day. It's like impending doom to jolt us up and get us active to live again. Without that awareness, time risks slipping by unnoticed. 

I felt that way almost evaporating the way my study schedule took up all my time. When I was studying, my hours were already spoken for. Everyday was a closer step towards the deadline, serving as a reminder of time’s limits. It engulfed me and the more I thought about it the more it added to my unnerving stress. But now that the structure is gone, I’ve had to face time in a more raw form again.

 Heidegger might say that this is when we’re pushed to live more authentically: to stop letting “the world” (school, obligations, expectations) dictate our use of time, and instead choose deliberately how we want to exist in it. The funny thing about that is I did choose this! I choose the demanding schedule to become a future attorney, I choose the time to reach my goals, I choose to put myself in this position. 

That idea of authenticity both excites and terrifies me. It means my painting, sewing, or even watching TV can be authentic if I claim them as real choices rather than background noise. But it also means the responsibility I have is also exciting and terrifying. That’s why I chose this path in the first place, it drives me to continue, drives me to cross the milestone.

Drive ME Crazy!

Time has been driving me a little crazy lately: slipping away, reshaping itself, and leaving me to wrestle with what to do with it. That’s why this week’s song feels so fitting. Lil Yachty’s Drive ME Crazy! has this dreamy, almost psychedelic groove that captures the tension between chaos and calm. The lyrics play with that restless feeling, but the melody is smooth and beautiful, right up my alley. It’s like the perfect soundtrack for my headspace: time may feel disorienting, but there’s still a rhythm to move with.

Enjoy This Journey With Me

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

Enjoy This Journey With Me ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

This isn’t the end—just a bookmark in the conversation. Stories don’t really close; they unfold, shift, and find new voices. If this one stirred something in you, let it breathe. Leave a thought, challenge an idea, or carry it forward in your own way. And if you ever feel like wandering through more unfinished thoughts, you know where to find me. Let’s keep the conversation alive. ~XOXO